For those of you unfamiliar with MTV's new show "MTV's Jersey Shore" let me put on the purple suit and break it down barney style. Due to their increasing ratings from trashy reality TV shows like, oh say all 19 "the real life" series, they've decided to once again come down to an island that i call home, and have literally spent my entire life on called Seaside Heights.

It may be too long ago for some of you to remember, but about 7 or 8 years ago, they annexed one of the county beach houses for the about a month or so. The MTV beach house made the BENNY (local slang for outsider, Belmar, Elizabeth, Newark and New York where most of the tourists and obnoxious morons come from) population EXPLODE! They pollute the beaches and water by throwing their trash everywhere, clog up the streets, destroy local landmarks and all in all, just make a mess of things. After about 2 summers, the surge died down and it went fairly close to business as usual but there's always been that summer rush of tourists.

*Note- I'm not saying I don't want tourism around, that's how we make our money. But Respect the locals, and clean up after yourself; and please, just because you think your the most jacked tannest lip-gloss wearin'est Gucci shade havin'est five foot nothing guy on the beach, you don't have to announce it so obnoxiously.

Now since the beach house swell has died down, I've been able to go back to my old beach, yes; my beach because i was a lifeguard there for five years. I've surfed and partied on the seaside heights beaches since then.

MTV's show was just shot over this past summer and is now airing on national TV, I refuse to watch this nonsense for several reasons.

1) The cast members on the show are not from the NJ shore, in fact only 2 of them are even from NJ, and they're from up north.

2) I deal with these idiots on a yearly basis and that's enough for me. I have no urge to watch what I've escaped into the winter from for the next few months.

3) It reminds me of what the Beach House did, and for the next 3 years I will be unable to go to my surf spots and enjoy the water during the summer months. This winter the show broadcasts, next summer the first wave hits, and it will hit hard. That winter they will all go tell their "boys" how great of a time they had trashing my home town and pissing off the locals. The following summer, the second wave hits, and for those of you who have never been to the ocean, the second wave always hits the hardest. So now we've got an uncontrollable island and the police will be overwhelmed with fist pumping jeigerbombing jackasses. That winter they'll disappear, the fad will die down. Then give it one more year for the stragglers, the ones who missed the first and second summers, they come they destroy, they leave. Then on the summer of the 4th year it will go back to the normal amount of tourists.

Having said that the population in my home town will go from 95% locals, 5% tourists and visitors, bumped up to about 90% Guido and Guinea, 5% tourists and visitors, and 5% locals.

*Not to offend any Italians, that's just what locals call them.

If you should happen to visit the NJ shore please keep in mind, you're on someone else's turf. Respect the locals, clean up after yourself, and don't cause any trouble and you're more than welcome. Otherwise, do us a favor and stay home.